My understanding of what it means to be a saved, born again, follower of Christ was drastically changed in the last few weeks and days. I believe my genuine profession of faith and my intentional decision to follow Christ because of what He accomplished on the cross happened April 19th, 2009.

Those of you who know me well are probably wondering why and how I was able to come to this conclusion. Let me lay out the reasons why I was caused to step back and look at the life I had lived thus far.

Pastor Augsburger has recently been teaching from the book of 1 John. It is a series titled “Faith’s Paternity Test”. It has been a series with the purpose of challenging the congregation to analyze their “walk” and put themselves to the tests that 1 John lays out to determine if someone is a genuine Christian.

The theme of the most recent sermon had to do with our salvation being validated by the conduct of our lives. He discussed justification and regeneration, which are two major indicators of a life that is devoted and given up to Christ. The three areas that I (we) was challenged to look at were the following.

Our status is/can be tested by:

1. the attitude you have toward God’s commandments
2. by your interaction with God’s word, and
3. by your desire to emulate Jesus.

In all three areas I could not give a genuine “correct” answer that would satisfy the
definition of a true believer and follower of Christ.

My attitude towards God’s commands had been at best obligatory, and mostly apathetic. I knew that God’s way for living life made sense. I knew that his commands are logical and meant for my well-being. I knew His commands and what I needed to do. I did not do them. I had no delight in the law of the Lord. I did not have a drive to obey the Savior, at all. Sometimes I did the “right” thing because it was the “right” thing to do, not for the purpose of glorifying God. I can identify several instances where I sinned willingly and had no qualms about it. I have participated in the church, and I loved going to the church. However, this was not evidence that I loved “The Church”- the Body of Believers, I didn’t regard them as the Bride of Christ. I grew up in the church; my friends are there, people I have known my entire life are there. Going to church fulfilled a social hole. The same goes for my actions done in the church. I enjoyed teaching and leading because it served the purpose of making me feel important. I was a white washed tomb.

My interaction with God’s word was at times consistent, but with the underlying motivator being that I would be able to tell others that I was actually doing it. I never considered reading God’s word a vital aspect of my daily walk. I did it, but never with the intent to know God better and deepen a relationship with Him. Again, it was done with the intent of saying, “I did it.” It was to glorify myself, not Him.

My desire to emulate Jesus was pathetic. It wasn’t even pathetic, it was absent. I knew the right things to do, and sometimes I did the things that Jesus would have done, but why? I had acting “good” down pat, but what purpose did those good works serve when my innermost being was corrupt to the core. Outwardly, from another’s perspective I acted like I needed to. Inwardly, from my perspective and more importantly from God’s perspective, I struggled with secretive sins that were the dynamic indicators of my soul’s relationship with the Savior; mainly, that there was never a proper understanding of the kind of decision that needs to be made to accept Christ as Savior and Lord of my life.

Yes, I had said a prayer previously, twice, both for selfish reasons. I had told God that I believed he sent His Son to die and that I knew he was able to forgive my sins. I can’t say that accepted his gift as my own though. Belief wasn’t the issue. Using the knowledge that I knew to be true in an intentional way was. Knowledge of Christ’s work on the cross doesn’t save. There are millions of people who know about Christ as true historical figure, but don’t accept what He did. Acceptance and Ownership of the free gifts of forgiveness of sin, eternal life and His grace and mercy is what saves.

*1 John 2:3 says “ we come to know that we know Him if we obey his commands- I didn’t
*1 John 2:6 says “ whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did.”- I didn’t
* 1 John 3:6 says “no one who lives in Him keeps on sinning.”- I did.

I had a misunderstanding of grace. I chose to leave out the parts about obedience and sacrifice. In Jude 4 it talks of those who “use the grace of God as a license for immorality.” That was my skewed perception of “freedom in Christ.” As I read through the rest of 1 John and took an honest look at my status before Christ, I realized there was not evidence of a decision that had a lasting impact. I had never claimed Christ’s promise as my own with the intent to serve and Glorify Him as Lord of my life because of what He accomplished on my behalf at Calvary.

Well, now I have made that decision and I’d like to ask those of you who read this to keep me in your prayers and keep me accountable.